Now ... thar be a dice tower to shiver
your timbers! Cast the bones if ye dares!
Linda Pattison and Faith Wobbeking
done signed the articles fer this voyage.
The pride of Cap'n Larry's motley
The Cap'n and his mates with their
AARRRR!! A new record of 121 seadogs set sail this year as
Pirates Cove drew more scurvy knaves and wenches for the
fourth straight year. The announcement of my pending retirement
went over like a balloon anchor. Rather than walk the plank,
I will sail another year. However, mate Jason Fisher is well
qualified to tend the helm, with his assistant's, Ron Fisher
and Barrett Straub - as well tried a trio of cutthroats as ever
It was a bountiful year on the sea lanes this year. We had
five plaques for the first time Every finalist got WOOD! When
I announced that the chocolate coins were not available as prizes
this year, there was a loud groan. Not being fond of mutinies
and being set adrift I thought better of it and showed the crew
15 pounds of assorted candy!!!! Hhoorraayy!! for Cap'n Larry!!!
You'd think I just emptied the rum casks.
The new tradition this year was an actual PLANK the crew had
to traverse to receive their 'CHAIN OF SHAME'. The infamous Cpt'
Jason Fisher won his fourth. His nom de plume 'chainlink' is
The great honor of winning Pirate's Cove, TWICE!, was
awarded to Cpt. John Elliott, with his promotion to Commodore.
Be it known, ALL are required to address him as Commodore or
Sir. Ignore this at your own peril. The first offender was moi.
I had the dubious honor of being the very first to WALK MY OWN
PLANK!! Oh, the shame! Bit in the butt by my own endeavor. I
guess there is truth in the old adage that 'no good deed goes
Meanwhile, this new generation had better man up! The guys
averaged only 5.29 sinks in 2013 while the wenches brought down
5.44. What's this world coming to? Hang your heads in shame again,
knaves. I better see some improvement in the coming year or we'll
see some real hangings. I loves me a good hanging, I does.
Heat 1 drew 17 games, BUT only 16 scoresheets were submitted.
I cannot score people if you withhold the game cards folks! #6
is still out there on the bounding main somewhere. The winners
we do know included Dave Meyaard, Ashton Worley, Stefany [sink'em
with a smile] Speck, Barrett [sinkerman] Straub, Max Duboff,
Joe Burch, Brandon Bernard, the legendary Paul Weintraub, Carol
[sea witch] Haney, Ben Gardner, Allyson Thoma, dandy Dan Mathias,
grognard Pat Mirk, 'pint size pain' R.J. Gleaton and Brian Mongold.
2 generated 10 games. The winners were Jodi 'manstopper' Folk,
Alyssa Gumbowski, Joe Yaure, Joe Collinson, Ron Fisher, Katie
Elliott, Nick Avtges, Barrett Straub, Ben Collinson and Brendan
Heat 3 was more of the same. Captains returning to port with
the most booty incuded: Jean Younkin, Straub agin', Sea Witch
Haney, Faith Wobbeking, Stefany Speck still smilin', Mankiller
Folk, Chris Yaure, Jim Bell, R J Gleaton who charmed three sea
wenches and the still legendary Paul Weintraub.
Heat 4 is the Sink or Swim last chance to qualify when rum
gets discarded and the search gets serious. COMMODORE John Elliott
'at last' rose from a drunken stupor to win a game. He is joined
in the Johnny come lately category by Eric Buetihofer, Wilfred
Meyboom, Nick Metzger, John Barry, Jason 'chainlink' Fisher,
Max Duboff, blood thirsty Barrett '# 4' and finally Jeff Pattison
'after finding Davy Jones staff''.
When the semifinals sailed, the Yaure boys went over the side
and were joined by Jean Younkin, Nick Avtges, Dave Meyaard and
Nick Metzger. Mutinous dogs! The alternates among the crew were
mighty pleased to cheer their departure. After the semi's, Cpt.
Larry was waterlogged from his plank-walking, so Jason Fisher
ran the Final in fine fashion. I cannot thank him enough, so
I won't try.
In the Final, Ben Collinson and Stefany Speck sank four, Ben
Gardner and Brandon Bernard three, while Barrett Straub, the
odds on favorite, managed only two. Barrett was flying high after
five straight wins in the heats and semifinals. So high, he apparently
forgot to outfit his ship before the first turn. He sure needed
the extra sections because he was sunk several turns early, crippling
his effort. Stefany kept smiling and avoided trouble while amassing
46 points to win handily over Gardner 37, Bernard 36, Collinson
34 and Straub 30. The seadogs got to watch beautiful Stefany
sail off into the sunset with the booty. Blinded by her wenchly
charms, they was. My gals are TOUGH!!!
Days of Wonder, publisher of the game, were present at WBC
after a long absence in case you missed them. Their agent, gorgeous
Madison Sites, was mightily impressed and very pleased with the
crew. Less so after I made her walk the 'honorary plank', although
she seemed to cherish her 'chain-o-shame'.
Barrett Straub was at his awesome best. Nobody has won more
than two games in four heats. He won all four and then added
a fifth in the semis before sobering up and floundering in the
Final! Lousy sense of timing! Also of note, Ben Collinson won
a heat WITHOUT sinking anybody! is that even possible? Alex Bell
took on Ann Bonney and Mary Read, AND had a KILL SHOT on the
flying dutchman! Great shooting Alex! He still lost that game!
I want to thank all who provided gifts and swag. The pirate
sandals were great. The Disney chest was colossal! May y'all
have fair winds and calm seas. God bless my faithful crew!