Last One Out of the Ring is a Winner
Welcome back to the third annual WWBC Wrasslin' Battle Royal.
I'm Ming and I'm Ying. Together we're the Twins. Looks
like a larger crowd than last year Ying. Yea, 21 bruisers
as opposed to the meager 13 last time. Now we're cookin'. Bluejeans
Weintraub is giving the last minute instructions to the wrasslers.
Do you think they can understand his instructions? Do
you? Sure! They'll be just fine. Huh, are you picking
on me again? Me? Noooooo. Oh, ok then.
Two rings have been constructed this year to hold this
incredible number of combatants. True Ying, with Harpo, Jimbo,
and of course our personal favorite, Big Mama in the same event
there is not enough space in one ring to hold them all. Looks
like they're starting.
In ring number 1 they seem to have a target. Is this Junta
or Wrasslin'? What are you babbling about? Looks like
the ceremonial shelling of the gamemaster. Huh? Oh, you made
a funny. Yeah, pretty good one too, huh?
The Grandmaster isn't so masterful now is he? Nope, poor
Blue Jeans always backs the wrong horse. Hey, look at the floor
around ring number 2. Awful lot of bodies sprawled down there.
No more left to chuck over there. The action is fast and
furious in this ring too. Duck sis, here comes Jimbo! Thanks,
that was close. I could have ruined my perm. Well, you don't
think I'm going to carry your unconscious lard butt around for
the next six hours did you? Who are you calling lard butt,
We interrupt this broadcast for several minutes of bickering
between the sisters about the size of their respective fannies.
Just as Ming was about to make a telling point about her sister's
derriere, she notices ...
Well, heavens - it looks like the preliminaries are over.
Good riddance to bad rubbish. Let's see who is left. Introducing
... Brent "The Enforcer" Hurt, Big Mama, The Judge,
Baby Face Harpo, the Whammer, the Serpent, the evil Grandmaster,
Manly Mike Adams, Ali "the Rabbit" Mohammed and Hamie
"The Blacksmith" Kneeshurt.
Isn't it great to know that Big Mama is in there to represent
the girls this year? Sure is. Those guys won't know what
hit them. Oh, my ... the Judge is passing judgement on Big
Mama. That's no way to treat a lady! The rest of those
punks are piling on. I guess they did know what was coming after
all. Thanks for pointing that out. Back to the dance, nobody
is lifting today. Kneeshirt is getting his knees hurt! Kick
him when he's up, kick him when he's down, if he gets up, throw
him to the ground! You're a little late for cheerleader squad,
sis. Look, now they're going after Harpo. It better be "they".
Gonna take more than one of 'em to lift that load. Ouch, little
Mohammed finished the job. Good thing the Whammer helped
him or he'd need a truss. Well, it's going to leave a mark
in any case ... and we just finished cleaning that floor too.
Manly Mike is making a move on the Judge. He should have brought
a bigger gavel. Looks like another gang up ... mob mentality
reigns supreme. More like blood in the water during feeding
time at Sea World if you ask me. the Whammer has his dandruff
up now ... he's going after Brent Hurt. The Enforcer was
ready for him, a quick reversal sends the brute crashing into
the cheap seats. What a man! The others seem to think
so too, he's getting gang banged from all directions. That
didn't take long. Duh! What did you expect with four against
one? Fair play ... Ha, ha, ha, hee, hee ... please stop
... I can't see through the tears.
The serpent is doing his snake dance over Brent. He better
watch those two behind him ... too late. He flies real good.
Takeoffs yeah, but the landings could use some work. Well,
they've finished off Brett too. That leaves only three. The
Grand Master and Ali are in cahoots. Manly Mike better watch
And now a word from our sponsor:
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pesos. Join Don and company every year for the challenge to win
wood. Winners earn braggin' rights for an entire year! Remember
to tell all your friends and family to join us at Don CON XII
- the Quest for Wood. And remember, Battle Royal offers every
one an extra last chance at the wood every year. Remember, Doncon,
where fun is our first, last and missdle name. Now back to the
What a shill. I don't
need no stinkin' doncon for my braggin' rights. Yeah, like
you've got a whole wall of plaques at home, sis. Hey, I don't
notice no splinters on you from handling wood, unless you count
the ones in your butt from all that pine sittin' you do. Well,
I never ... That's right, you never did win anything to brag
Hmmpf. Ali gives Manly Mike a quick combination of blows.
The Grand Master adds a wicked suplex and bounces Mike out of
the ring. But his elation is short-lived. Ali is all over him
.... there hasn't been a sneak attack like that since Pearl
Harbor. I didn't think the body could bend like that. It
can't. Look at him lying there all bent and broken just like
the other losers. That's a little harsh for the runner-up
isn't it? Excuse me, would it more politically correct if
I referred to him as one of the non-winners?
There's the bell. Make way for Ali's manager, Bruce Monnin,
as he climbs into the ring to congratulate his stud. Now sis,
there you go again with the off color comments. Excuse me,
Bruce applauds his "athlete". That's better. Great
job, sis. Yeah, you too. See ya all next year. I'm Ming and
I'm Ying. Ta ta for now. Err ... signing off, rather.