Last One Out of the Ring is a Winner
Welcome back to the Sixth Annual World Wrasslin' Boardgame
Championship: Wrasslin' Battle Royal. I m Ming, and I m Ying
Together we are The Twins! Blue Jeans Weintraub is giving the
last minute instructions to the wrasslers.
Using the three new rings constructed last year our 25 contestants
enter with the thoughts of being the next to claim the title.
With eight Wrasslers in each ring (Blue Jeans had to retire
his wrassler before the event started due to conflicts in timing)
we seem ready to begin the 2004 Championship series. In ring
number 1 The Grandmaster, Ali (the Rabbit) Mohamad, Evil Hairy
Hammer, Not so Evil Hammer, Go Twins! Their not conjoined, doesn't
count. Are you getting smart on me again? Don't go there! As
I was saying, Manly Mike Adams, Big Ben, He's not so big, Have
you seen Mama, That's BIG! True, but the girls were not invited
this year. Guess the Boys didn't like getting mauled. So true.
Here comes the Serpent, Sampson and finally The Champ. The men
are circling the ring testing each other for weakness. You mean
like the way The Champ is bending the Grandmaster in half. Yeah,
something like that. Samson gives a big kick to Manly Mike who
shrugs it off. Oh, lookie the "almost twins" are ganging
up on Ali, He's toast. Ali was managed by one of the few lady
managers this year. Yes, a newcomer at that, Ginny Cox. It's
good to see the ladies showing the goods.
Let's take a look at the center ring shall we? Boy what a
bunch of cheaters out there, It's O.K. it's in the rules. Oh
come on! Jimbo doing a Flying Scissors, Heck Jimbo doing a flying
anything should raise suspicion. It's all part of the fun, Hey,
there he goes again, You would think the manager of the Champ
would have known better. Nobodies perfect, He just took 19 illegal
hits, is manager J. Poniske asleep? No, he is trying to be a
good sport with his fellow Managers, he is a GOOD GUY you know!
I can't take any more of this, it's just too ugly. Well relax
the rest of the gang just threw him out when he tried to climb
to the top rope. Jimbo, Climb, That is unbelievable. Only three
left in that ring.
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Now back to the action,
The nine finalists are approaching the center ring for their
last chance at wood. This is it (sniff, sniff). With Blue Jeans
Weintraub retiring, we are out of work! Not so fast sister, I
have it on good authority that there's a new gun in town. It
just won't be the same. True, but maybe this guy Dan Dolan Jr.
actually pays us instead of that tired old line of ... It's in
the mail. I got my pay check, didn't you? What's that? Oh, nothing,
nothing at all. Are you holding out on me?!
Now entering the ring, The Champ, with his trainer, Derek
Landel, has returned from last year. Next to join in is The Garbage
Man, backed by none other than an old, yet young and handsome,
hand at the managerial task; Harry Flawd. Be good girl, he's
married. Sampson now enters with our new and wonderful boss Dan
Dolan Jr. watching over him. Oh, he's soooo cute. Which one?
Both, silly! There's Mr. Brutal, with his trainer, the tenacious
and intelligent Rebecca Hebner. That girl rocks, I think the
Beltway Banditos are going to lose her if they don't start helping
her out with some points of their own! Tyler is entering, his
trainer is an old hand at this, Stuart Tucker. Followed closely
behind by Jimbo, the top rope Elephantman with his new trainer
the delightful, and former sportsman, SPORTSWOMAN!, ...of the
year; Kaarin Englemann . She joins us for the first time ever.
Must be a tough year for harvesting wood. The Serpent, with his
pet snake Elroy and his manager, another old hand, Michael Destro,
Cyclops and his trainer, a newcomer Jason Levine. Finally, Our
old favorite, Jamie Kneeshurt fills the ring, followed by his
trainer, another long time manager Jordan Flawd. Don't even say
it, He's to young for you. Darn!
A few more ring announcements are made to the finalists by
the Commissioner then the bell is rung. He actually brought that
big old school bell this year. He's talked about it enough over
the last eight years.
We have an angry bunch in the ring. Lots of trash talk is
flying. At the moment that seems to be all that is flying around
here. The hairdresser is combing his locks, He seems to be moving
towards The Champ. A closed fist! He can't do that! It would
seem he can, nobody is saying different. This has to be the dirtiest
match I have ever witnessed. No, remember when we Ki.. Ah, removed
the One-Hit-Wonder. Hush! Sampson has just joined in the fun
with beating down the Champ. Heartthrob takes it to the top rope,
he leaps at the Champ. Jimbo sees an opportunity and with one
meaty hand lifts the Champ and nonchalantly tosses him to the
cheering crowd. The Garbage Man is attempting to do a back-breaker
on the Cyclops, but old one eye was ready for him, and reversed
it. Bye, Bye, Spew Guy. The crowd is calling for the death of
Sampson, Hey you...you guys be nice to him. Suck up! Just because
that could be our new boss doesn't mean ... O.K. maybe it does.
Too late, Jimbo and the Blacksmith just got together and chucked
him into the fifth row. The Hairdresser just slapped the Serpent
with his brush. Serpent looks pretty mad. I'd say so, he just
gave him a knee lift with a combination into a Bodyslam. The
Hairdresser can call it a day. Kneeshurt just put hurting on
Tyler. The crowd is going wild and all the remaining wrasslers
are beating him into submission. Tyler's a tough little monkey
though, He keeps catching his breath. Not any more, Jimbo is
sitting on him. Ouch. With Tyler being pitched, unconscious to
the concrete below by Jimbo, The Serpent slips up behind the
big man and places an educated foot to the base of Jimbo's spine,
sending him to land on top of his victim of moments ago. Three
contestants remain, the crowd seems to want more blood, they
are chanting BOOOORRRRING!!!
Cyclops is trying desperately to talk the manager of Kneeshurt
to join him in the beating of Serpent. But Mr. Flawd thinks differently.
He attacked the Cyclops, Sheer suicide. Yup, blue eye is madder
than a hornet. He just gave the little man a closed fist, oh,
and then that Nutcracker, He looks bad, The Serpent is taking
no chances, and throws the wounded Blacksmith half way to China.
With just two wrasslers remaining, Cyclops and The Serpent, this
should be a blow out, I mean, lets face facts. Oh ye of little
faith, The serpent lands the first blow. He is sneaky for a good
guy. Yeah, ya gotta love a man who takes risks. Risks or not,
my money is on the Cyclops. I'll take a piece of that action.
Better get your pocketbook out! He's immobile and Haa, Ha, Suplex!
He's toast. Look again Tweedle Dee, Power surge and a reverse
and the day is The Serpents. No...No... He was immobile, I saw
with my own two eyes. He cheated. Of course he did honey. I told
you before, It's in the rules 11.5 to be exact! But that manager
... the a new guy Jason Levine, He didn't know. All's fair in
Love and Wrasslin' Pay Up!
Our First place Plaque was presented to Mike Destro. In Second
place one of the last four copies of the out of print Wrasslin'
was presented to Jason Levine, also to the Third, Fourth and
Fifth place finalists respectively, received a copy. Jordan Flawd,
Karrin Englemann and Stuart Tucker.
Finally, WE the TWINS and Paul "Blue Jeans" Weintraub,
Thank everyone who participated in this years festivities and
all the years before. That's all for now, I'm Ming, And I'm Ying,
saying so long.
Adios girls. I would like to take this opportunity to thank
each and every player who has participated in this event over
the last eight years, (notably Dan Dolan Jr. and Ray Stakenas
Jr. for volunteering to Co-GM the event for the last several
years) it has been my privilege to serve as the GM for Wrasslin'
in it's many forms. I have had a great time and I hope those
of you who participated enjoyed the game as much as I enjoyed
running it for you. In 2003 I received a 9.9 GM rating by those
of you who wrote comments. Thank you so much, There is nothing
more important to a GM than knowing that the appreciation of
his peers and fellow players is that noteworthy. As a wise man
(my father) once said, All Good Things Must Come To An End. I
bid Wrasslin' farewell, but not the Con. I will look forward
to seeing all of you next year in our new digs in Lancaster PA.
Fear not, I shall find another loud, obnoxious game to run, (for
the last Wood) to annoy you all... how about PIT! Until next
year, be safe and keep gaming.
A special thanks goes out to the folks at MMP for donating
the last of their stock of Wrasslin' to our event.