100 Pirates on the High Seas ...
Beware all ye who dare enter these
Aye ... I be man enuff to turn a lass'es
Didn't I see these guys on a
Disney ride ... or was it Nickelodeon?
It takes more than a lousy badge
to enter this port.
AAARRHH!! Avast all ye sea dogs. We had a record voyage this
year and joined the bigtime with exactly 100 pirates - 77 scurvy
landlubbers and 23 gorgeous gals, or sea-wenches, if you prefer.
Makes you want to break out in song ... "100 Pirates on
the Bounding Main, Hang one & cut 'em down, 99 Pirates on
the Bounding Main ... or something to that effect.
All you guys should hang your heads in shame as the gals clobbered
ya'll again! The 23 lasses totalled 200 prizes for an average
of 8.7 per gal. All you 77 curs managed was a paltry 4.75 average.
Somehow, the wenches were at least kept out of the Final.
The "pack" attack was back after a year off. Rumor
has it, John, Aurora, Marie, Sharee, and David Pack were plundering
the seas around the Hawaiian Islands. Led by the big kahuna,
John, who incidentally finished behind all of his crew. Kids,
teach Dad how to play before next year so he won't bring down
the family average!
The "pack" was overshadowed by the Collinson Crew led
by last year's champ, Ashley (12 sinks), Mom Rolinda (13 sinks),
Joe (14), Ben Sr. (15) and Angela (9). A blood thirsty crew to
be sure ... sellind over 60 hulls to Davey Jones locker.
This year we started the now infamous "CHAINS OF SHAME".
Whenever you have a mutiny, not only do you lose your gold, treasure,
and two fame - you get to wear the "chains". This year's
inaugural losers were Barrett Straub, Steve Scott, Frank Mestre,
first mate Jason 'chainlink' Fisher, and Katherine Hitchings
- see we even keelhaul the wenches too!! I still have a box full
of chains for next year's sailing, and no, you cannot buy these
chains. Ya gotta earn 'em!
The semi-finals were flush with 22 glory hounds. We had 37 game
winners, but 15 of the scurvy dogs went over the side during
the night. The kiosk was updated Thursday at 2100. You folks
had plrnty of time to see where you stood. The no-shows were:
Cliff Ackman, John "lash" Jacoby, Evan Hitchings, Tom
Strock, John Faella, Vinny Sinigaglio, Jim Dougherty, Eric Stranger,
Patrick Richardson, Alex Henning, Katie Dougherty, Sarah Vasilakos,
Nick Parauda, Jefferson Meyer, and Chris Trimmer. I'll wager
they were hanging around Port Royal.
semi-final action, Steve "the chain ganger" Scott edged
by Bob Drozd by one lousy point. Andres Dunn, third, and Aurora
Pack, last ... a fitting end for her soaking me in the Gangsters
Watergun Fight. Was there ever any doubt she was going over the
side? Brandon Bernard breezed by Angela Collinson, Barrett "first
chain" Straub, and PRC Team Gamer Henry Pfeiffer in semi
#2. Semi #3 found Pat Mirk sailing by "the Beth-Ster"
Zhao (our #1 wench this year), Ben Collinson, Ron "the ruthless"
Fisher, and Greg-beard Zegalia's last ditch effort to sink both
royal navies on the same turn. Poor Greg-beard went down with
his ship. Semi #4 saw firstmate Jason "chainlink" Fisher
clobber Zack Dunn, Rolinda Collinson, and "chain man"
Frank Mestre. The last semi was a cliffhanger worthy of the last
berth in the Final. Just seven points separated five pirates.
Eric "Smitty" Buetihofer -29, was keelhaulled while
4th place went to bloodthirsty Joe Collinson-31. Katherine-33
"the veritable verity avenger" Hitchings was overcome
by Marie "soakette" Pack-34, another "gangster
pirate" to no avail, as Charles Squibb-36, slippedby both
wenches for the final spot.
Brandon Bernard jumped out to an early lead in the Final with
three sinks. Steve "chain ganger" Scott also sank three,
but just could not get the hang of plundering. (netting just
20 for last place). Jason "chainlink" Fisher accidentally
killed off Long John Silver's parrot with a grapeshot attack
on the Flying Dutchman, to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory
(23 for 4th place). Charles "squid" Squibb hung on
for the tiny "doorstopper" third place with 25. Pat
Grognard Mirk just could not bring things together and managed
to stay ahead by scoring 28 for second place. Brandon "the
batterer" Bernard survived with 44 points and the "big
Captain Larry ... Polly still sez WALK DA PLANK!!!!!!!!!!
Cap'n Larry seems to be recruitin'
'em younger every year!
Before long they'll have to "Crawl
Cap'n Larry has upped the ante in
his side bet with
the Gangsters godfather as to who provides
the most theme related swag.